Dear Claire,
I dream this dream where I am shopping with my sister in this really huge and busy department store. In the last dream that I had, she is following me very closely. I see something that I really like. It is a beautiful green sweater. I say, “Look at that sweater!” My sister says, “Which one?” I say, “That green one.” As I start to move towards the sweater, she walks over and picks it up for herself. There are others on the rack, but as I look through them, none of them are my size. I ask her what size she has, and it is my size. She has taken the only one that fits me, but I don’t say anything. She keeps the sweater for herself, but I still don’t say anything. We keep shopping, but whatever I want, I am aware that she will want it, too. So, I start picking up two of everything. Then my sister stops following me and sits down in a chair while I shop for both of us. I feel resentful in the dream, but I never say anything. Even after I wake up, I feel sort of angry. Because in all of these dreams, my sister is taking the things that I want and not really working for it. I kind of understand why I am dreaming this way. But it all just seems so petty and small, so I don’t say anything. But the dreams keep making me feel petty and small, and keep taking a piece out of me, so I want these dreams to go away. How do I make these dreams go away without causing family problems?
As you have recognized, your dreaming mind wants your waking mind to confront the issues that you have with your sister and then deal with them – and it will continue sending you this message until you do vent your feelings with her, or until you figure out another way to work through these feelings so that they stop distressing you.
It is important to note the color of the sweater that your sister takes from you in the dream – it is green, a classic symbol for life. Obviously, in the waking world, you feel like you are somehow being usurped, “short-stopped” and/or taken advantage of by your sister in life – or you feel like she is taking something away from you in life which should rightfully be yours, whether that be something figurative like status or love, or something literal like property or possessions.
Probably the very reason why you keep dreaming different versions of this dream relates back to the fact that you feel “petty and small” when you have these feelings, and so you refuse to deal with them and attempt to bury them due to your belief that they are lowly and beneath you. However, your subconscious mind won’t let you – it is aware of how these feelings are spiritually diminishing you, and it wants you to speak your truth and get the poison out, so to speak. If something is causing this type of repeated angst, then, whether you deem it petty or not, it needs to be addressed. By minimizing your dreams and writing them off as being “petty and small,” you are writing off your feelings and invalidating their importance. Right or wrong, petty or small – they are still your feelings, and you need to validate them. And perhaps that is all that you will need to do to stop this recurring theme in your dreams and replace your “missing pieces.” If you believe that opening up and saying something to your sister will serve no purpose and will only cause more negativity in your life, then perhaps you just need to work it out within yourself. Acknowledge that your sister’s usurping of you bothers you – and that she will probably never change, and that you have a right to be bothered by that. Recognize that feeling this way is not only fair, but that it is perfectly acceptable. Then acknowledge the fact that while you may not be able to change your sister’s behavior, you can, however, (as the old adage goes) change your reaction to it.
Next, write everything down on paper – write for weeks, if you must, until you can’t think of another word to say about the matter. Then, send it out in the mail addressed to “The Universe” (with no return address!). But whatever you do, definitely get it out of the deep, dark recesses of your mind and out in the open – talking about it, writing about it, and validating it – until you work it all out of your system and are able to stop allowing it to gnaw at you or become a source of anger and resentment in you.
When you finally confront and accept the fact that your sister is who she is, and that the situation is what it is – and really speak your truth about your feelings regarding your sister, no matter how small and petty this truth may seem to the logical, rational part of your brain – then this may help to bring some measure of peace or resolution to your issues with her and may help to cause these “petty and small” dreams to cease.
